Today started out with a lovely breakfast at the hotel. They have a wonderful continental breakfast bar. The restaurant is one floor up from the street level and has an outdoor deck area surrounded with lush greenery. Add the birds singing in the background and it was a very luxurious and peaceful time. It will probably be our first, last, and only such peaceful breakfast. We leave for Lom tomorrow before breakfast is served, and we will have the girls with us when we get back. It will still be very lovely, but likely somewhat less peaceful.
After breakfast, we drove out to the airport to meet the Lom orphanage mission team. Beth and the group from England arrived at Terminal 1, the older terminal, and we went over there to find them, but we arrived after they had already gone to Terminal 2 to meet the rest of the group coming in from Georgia. We caught up with them there and had a wonderful time getting to know their group. We got to meet Kris and Tedi Angelov, the couple who run the Alongside Bulgaria mission organization that arranges the Lom trip every year. In another interesting "small world" turn of events, Kris actually got his divinity degree from the McAfee Divinity School at Mercer University (Atlanta Campus). For those of you reading this blog that don't already know this, I grew up 5 minutes from the Mercer Atlanta campus and took a couple of continuing education classes there, Carolyn had a couple of classes there in her attempt to attend as many colleges as possible and still get a degree in less than 4 years, and I currently work for the Mercer Engineering Research Center in Warner Robins, GA and have some close contacts with the faculty and staff at the Macon campus.
We spent some time talking to Beth about the conditions at the orphanage (a hectic but principally positive environment) and about her time spent with Emily Cate over the past several years. One thing that nearly everybody in the group emphasized was their approach to working with the children at the orphanage. This group doesn't come in like Santa Claus with a huge bag of toys, drop them off in the middle off the night, and then vanish forever and move on to another orphanage. They have returned repeatedly to the same orphanage for the last 7 or 8 years and have focused on building relationships with the children. By returning every year, the kids have realized that this group really cares about them personally, rather than a group who just brings them "stuff" then disappears forever, and it has allowed them to build very close relationships with the kids over the years. I think it is a wonderful way to approach their service.
About half an hour after we met Beth and the English part of the team, the group from Commerce, GA showed up, and we had a wonderful time talking with them as well. Beth gave us a great treasure of digital photos of Emily Cate, and Jennifer Sanders was so thoughtful as to get prints made of some photos she had and she brought them to us at the airport. It was great to get to spend a little time with the group, and we look forward to maintaining a relationship with them as Emily Cate grows up.
After we left the airport, we ventured downtown to do some shopping. The folks at Family National Association, the Bulgarian agency that partners with our agency in the States, had told us of a couple of souvenir markets in the city center, and we set out to find them. I think we were successful in finding what they were talking about. We spent several hours downtown getting lunch and walking around looking at some of the shops in the central district. When we were good and worn out, we came back to the hotel, collapsed for an hour or so, then walked up the street for dinner and to pick up some water at the grocery store. We are off to Lom in the morning to pick up Emily Cate, then to Shumen for dinner with Darin and Yordanka (Madelyn's foster parents). It's going to be a long day of driving, but should be a very rewarding one as well. Hopefully more about that tomorrow night.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Friday, July 13, 2012
Back in Bulgaria Again!
What a difference 6 months makes! Last time we were here it was brutally cold with lots of snow and a very bleak feel. In fact, we just barely got out of Europe before the worst storm of the winter came through. This time it is lush and green; very nice. The weather is very similar to what we've had in Georgia for the last few weeks except the evenings are about 10 degrees cooler and it is a bit drier. It does get hot during the day, though. Forecast for tomorrow is 99 and Sunday is 102. After that, it looks like it will drop into the low nineties and upper eighties for the rest of our stay.
We managed to find the hotel without too much difficulty, once we got out of the airport parking lot. The rental lot was at about 150% capacity with the returns blocking the outgoing rentals from the exit. It was a mess. While in Sofia, we will be at the Anastasia Residence Hotel. It is a very nice suite or apartment style hotel - very similar to a Homewood Suites or Residence Inn, except that our main sitting room area is huge in comparison. A bit of an overkill for two of us, but it will be great when we get back Monday with the girls.
We checked in around 3 and then tried with only moderate success to relax and recover without falling asleep. A few cat naps here and there, but hopefully that won't be enough to keep us from getting a full night's sleep. Last time, we never really adjusted to the time change and it put a lot of strain on us physically. We've got to do better this trip. This evening we went for a walk to explore the neighborhood and get some dinner. We ate outside at a little bistro and then reconnoitered a grocery store. It was interesting - the food even the store layout looked very typical of what we are used to seeing, but all of the food labels were in Cyrillic.
For tomorrow, we are looking forward to exploring the area a little more, finding some activities we can do with the girls, and meeting the Lom mission team at the airport. We just need to get a good night of sleep between now and then!
We managed to find the hotel without too much difficulty, once we got out of the airport parking lot. The rental lot was at about 150% capacity with the returns blocking the outgoing rentals from the exit. It was a mess. While in Sofia, we will be at the Anastasia Residence Hotel. It is a very nice suite or apartment style hotel - very similar to a Homewood Suites or Residence Inn, except that our main sitting room area is huge in comparison. A bit of an overkill for two of us, but it will be great when we get back Monday with the girls.
We checked in around 3 and then tried with only moderate success to relax and recover without falling asleep. A few cat naps here and there, but hopefully that won't be enough to keep us from getting a full night's sleep. Last time, we never really adjusted to the time change and it put a lot of strain on us physically. We've got to do better this trip. This evening we went for a walk to explore the neighborhood and get some dinner. We ate outside at a little bistro and then reconnoitered a grocery store. It was interesting - the food even the store layout looked very typical of what we are used to seeing, but all of the food labels were in Cyrillic.
For tomorrow, we are looking forward to exploring the area a little more, finding some activities we can do with the girls, and meeting the Lom mission team at the airport. We just need to get a good night of sleep between now and then!
Thursday, July 12, 2012
It's Like Déjà Vu All Over Again
Well, we have officially embarked on our long-awaited trip to pick up Emily Cate and Madelyn! Once again, we have arrived in Paris before dawn. I think we arrived at the same gate as last time (the one that is farthest from the shuttle bus) and we got the longest possible shuttle bus tour of the bowels of Charles de Gaulle airport. I think they are working on an underground train to replace the shuttle. They need to hurry; the shuttle leaves a very poor first impression of Paris.
The flight was fortunately short. We departed Atlanta on time and arrived in Paris an hour early. The jet stream is a beautiful thing - as long as you want to go east. It is now 6:20 in the morning here in Paris. We are in the same departure area for Sofia, and other than the fact that there is no snow on the ground, this trip so far looks exactly like the last one. Things will change significantly from last time when we get to Sofia this afternoon.
Last trip, Maggie met us at the airport and we left immediately for Lom. This time, we are on our own for a couple of days. When we get in this afternoon, we will pick up our car and then get ourselves to the hotel in Sofia. Tomorrow (Saturday), we are going to try to meet up with some new friends we met online. There is a church group that goes on a mission trip every year to the orphanage in Lom where Emily Cate used to live. They have known her since she arrived there four years ago. The really neat thing is that they have pictures covering the last four years of her life, so she will have a collection of "baby pictures". It was such a huge blessing to receive them and to hear from this mission group.
We were originally contacted by a young lady from England who found this blog and contacted us through the comments. She is the one who has made all of the pictures available - thanks, Beth! The other neat part of the story is that part of this group is from England, but the majority comes from First Baptist Church in Commerce, GA. Relatively speaking, they are practically neighbors. It has also worked out that we are here the same week as their mission trip this year. We won't have much time in Lom, so we are going to meet them at the airport in Sofia when they arrive and spend a little time visiting before they head north.
Our plan for the week is pretty simple. Maggie will meet us early Sunday morning at our hotel. We will drive to Lom and pick up Emily Cate around 11. We will then drive directly to Shumen and spend Sunday night there. We will pick up Madelyn early on Monday and then get back to Sofia as early as possible. Our goal is to get back and get their passport applications filed before the office closes on Monday afternoon. If we make it in time, the passports should be ready Thursday so we can have our visa interview Thursday afternoon at the US embassy. That will allow us to pick up the visas on Friday and we will return home on Saturday. If we don't get back in time on Monday, we will have to get the passport applications filed on Tuesday, so we won't get them back until Friday. That means we will have the visa interview Friday afternoon, but won't be able to get the visas until Monday and so won't be able to leave until Tuesday. Once the visa applications are filed, the only other scheduled activity for the week is a doctor's visit for an entry screening required for the visas. Otherwise, we will just spend time getting to know the girls and working out some version of "Bulglish" so we can understand each other.
For now, we have claimed a couch and chair in the corner of an airport cafe so Carolyn can rest her back before the next leg of the trip. We will be heading out of here in about three hours and should be in Sofia about the time everybody in the States starts thinking about getting up Friday morning. So, until then, we are hanging out in Paris!
The flight was fortunately short. We departed Atlanta on time and arrived in Paris an hour early. The jet stream is a beautiful thing - as long as you want to go east. It is now 6:20 in the morning here in Paris. We are in the same departure area for Sofia, and other than the fact that there is no snow on the ground, this trip so far looks exactly like the last one. Things will change significantly from last time when we get to Sofia this afternoon.
Last trip, Maggie met us at the airport and we left immediately for Lom. This time, we are on our own for a couple of days. When we get in this afternoon, we will pick up our car and then get ourselves to the hotel in Sofia. Tomorrow (Saturday), we are going to try to meet up with some new friends we met online. There is a church group that goes on a mission trip every year to the orphanage in Lom where Emily Cate used to live. They have known her since she arrived there four years ago. The really neat thing is that they have pictures covering the last four years of her life, so she will have a collection of "baby pictures". It was such a huge blessing to receive them and to hear from this mission group.
We were originally contacted by a young lady from England who found this blog and contacted us through the comments. She is the one who has made all of the pictures available - thanks, Beth! The other neat part of the story is that part of this group is from England, but the majority comes from First Baptist Church in Commerce, GA. Relatively speaking, they are practically neighbors. It has also worked out that we are here the same week as their mission trip this year. We won't have much time in Lom, so we are going to meet them at the airport in Sofia when they arrive and spend a little time visiting before they head north.
Our plan for the week is pretty simple. Maggie will meet us early Sunday morning at our hotel. We will drive to Lom and pick up Emily Cate around 11. We will then drive directly to Shumen and spend Sunday night there. We will pick up Madelyn early on Monday and then get back to Sofia as early as possible. Our goal is to get back and get their passport applications filed before the office closes on Monday afternoon. If we make it in time, the passports should be ready Thursday so we can have our visa interview Thursday afternoon at the US embassy. That will allow us to pick up the visas on Friday and we will return home on Saturday. If we don't get back in time on Monday, we will have to get the passport applications filed on Tuesday, so we won't get them back until Friday. That means we will have the visa interview Friday afternoon, but won't be able to get the visas until Monday and so won't be able to leave until Tuesday. Once the visa applications are filed, the only other scheduled activity for the week is a doctor's visit for an entry screening required for the visas. Otherwise, we will just spend time getting to know the girls and working out some version of "Bulglish" so we can understand each other.
For now, we have claimed a couch and chair in the corner of an airport cafe so Carolyn can rest her back before the next leg of the trip. We will be heading out of here in about three hours and should be in Sofia about the time everybody in the States starts thinking about getting up Friday morning. So, until then, we are hanging out in Paris!
Friday, February 3, 2012
Saying Goodbye
Well, it's official. We signed the final acceptance document this morning for the Bulgarian Ministry of Justice stating that we have met with both girls and we are willing to accept the referrals and complete the adoption process. The new names are Emily Catherine Osborne and Madelyn Dell Osborne. The Dell is both her mother's and her great grandmother's middle name. We are so excited to be able to pass that heritage forward another generation! The next steps on the Bulgarian side are for the Minister of Justice to give final approval and for the adoptions to go to court. Once the court decree is issued, they will get new birth certificates and eventually new passports and be ready to go. On our side, we have to work through the rest of the immigration approval process to get their travel visas. We had to get the documents notarized, which was an interesting experience. Bulgarian notaries are more like contract lawyers than US notaries. They not only witness signatures, but they completely review, and frequently prepare, the documents they notarize to ensure they are in accordance with appropriate laws. The notary we saw had two assistants out front and a very nice private office.
After the notary, we had our last visit with Madelyn (Cici). It was a very nice final visit, and we were able to present both the Dukov family and the social worker with thank you gifts. Both were genuinely touched. We said our final goodbyes and headed for the car.
Lesson 1 for driving in a foreign country: when you have a native translator with you who is reasonably familiar with the road system, listen to her instead of Google! Google maps gave a couple of options for getting back to Sofia. There was a 100 km difference in the routes, but only about 8 minutes of estimated driving distance because the longer route had significantly longer spans of limited access freeway with 130 kph speed limits and no towns, as opposed to the shorter way which was mostly two-lane highway with 90 kph speed limit and lots of reduced speed zones through towns (and therefore lots of speed traps). I find the rural highway driving exhausting, especially given the higher probability of a speeding ticket in a foreign country - not an experience I care to have - so I wanted to take the longer way and drive on the freeway. Maggie suggested the other way - a straight shot from Shumen to Sofia. We went the long way. The first part of the route involved heading south through the mountains to hit the freeway and head west. It looked like a good route on the gps as well. Only one problem. About an hour out of Shumen, the road shrinks down to a small country road as it passes through the final mountain ridge. And, oh by the way, it has snowed a lot here over the last few weeks, and the road was too small for the road crews to bother with, so they closed it. We had to turn around and drive almost all the way back to Shumen to pick up Maggie's route. It cost us at least 2 hours. That meant we didn't get to Sofia until after dark, and navigating over here at night is an adventure in itself. Should have listened to Maggie!
At any rate, we got to the hotel, got checked in, and then saw Maggie off in a taxi. We will miss her! We're working on final packing and getting ready to go. We have an early flight out of Sofia, so we will be out of the hotel around 5 in the morning. If everything goes as scheduled, we will be in Atlanta around 8:30 tomorrow evening.
After the notary, we had our last visit with Madelyn (Cici). It was a very nice final visit, and we were able to present both the Dukov family and the social worker with thank you gifts. Both were genuinely touched. We said our final goodbyes and headed for the car.
Lesson 1 for driving in a foreign country: when you have a native translator with you who is reasonably familiar with the road system, listen to her instead of Google! Google maps gave a couple of options for getting back to Sofia. There was a 100 km difference in the routes, but only about 8 minutes of estimated driving distance because the longer route had significantly longer spans of limited access freeway with 130 kph speed limits and no towns, as opposed to the shorter way which was mostly two-lane highway with 90 kph speed limit and lots of reduced speed zones through towns (and therefore lots of speed traps). I find the rural highway driving exhausting, especially given the higher probability of a speeding ticket in a foreign country - not an experience I care to have - so I wanted to take the longer way and drive on the freeway. Maggie suggested the other way - a straight shot from Shumen to Sofia. We went the long way. The first part of the route involved heading south through the mountains to hit the freeway and head west. It looked like a good route on the gps as well. Only one problem. About an hour out of Shumen, the road shrinks down to a small country road as it passes through the final mountain ridge. And, oh by the way, it has snowed a lot here over the last few weeks, and the road was too small for the road crews to bother with, so they closed it. We had to turn around and drive almost all the way back to Shumen to pick up Maggie's route. It cost us at least 2 hours. That meant we didn't get to Sofia until after dark, and navigating over here at night is an adventure in itself. Should have listened to Maggie!
At any rate, we got to the hotel, got checked in, and then saw Maggie off in a taxi. We will miss her! We're working on final packing and getting ready to go. We have an early flight out of Sofia, so we will be out of the hotel around 5 in the morning. If everything goes as scheduled, we will be in Atlanta around 8:30 tomorrow evening.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Dinner at 7
Short post tonight as we are getting loose ends tied up and getting packed for the drive back to Sofia tomorrow. It has been a wonderful two weeks, but very emotionally and physically exhausting. We are really looking forward to getting back home!
The morning visit with Cici was pretty standard fare. I got in trouble last night by giving her piggy-back rides and carrying her on my shoulders. Now, that's all she wants me to do. I spent a good deal of the morning walking around with her on my shoulders and bouncing up and down as everybody else sang songs with her. We also tried the elephant swing, which was probably also a mistake, but she loved it. At least she will have big brothers to swing her and carry her. It's wearing me out. Daren was giving me a hard time this evening about the shoulder thing. She wants him to carry her around like that all the time too, and his shoulders were getting sore.
After lunch, we went gift shopping. We ended up getting what we needed, but we walked and walked and walked. By the time we got back to the hotel, we were all pretty well spent.
The highlight of the day was dinner. Daren and Yordanka invited us to join them for dinner, and it was a wonderful experience and a great time of bonding. We are finding that in a foster situation, forming a relationship and a bond with the foster family is not only rewarding in its own right, but it is important in easing the transition of the child from the foster family to the adoptive family. From the perspective of the foster family, they are placing a child they have loved, nurtured, and invested their lives in for a significant period of time into the hands of strangers. The transition cannot be easy on them, but the better they know the adoptive family and the more they can bond with them on an emotional level, the easier that transition will be. For the adoptive parents, making the connection helps sensitize them to the emotions the foster parents are experiencing and it helps them understand when the foster parents want to remain involved in some way in the lives of the children. We have really enjoyed getting to know Daren and Yordanka, and the friendship developed while sharing a meal together in wonderful.
Speaking of wonderful, the meal tonight was outstanding. I have really enjoyed the Bulgarian cuisine, and I have eaten and enjoyed a lot of foods I don't usually eat. I think I have had more mushrooms this trip than I have had in my entire life. Yordanka laid out a first course of tomato and cucumber salad, shredded cabbage, pickled vegetables, pickled red peppers, and Bulgarian white cheese. I went back for seconds on all of it! Everything was delicious. The meat course was even better. Baba Irina (Yordanka's mother) made moussaka , a traditional Bulgarian casserole dish of mincemeat, potatoes, and tomatoes topped with a crust of eggs, yogurt, and flour. It was terrific. Yordanka also took some of the meat we had left over from lunch yesterday and dressed it up with a cream and white cheese sauce and some mushrooms. Again it was excellent. Carolyn and I are both bread lovers, and the highlight of the meal for us was when Baba Irina pulled out a traditional Bulgarian loaf of bread she had made. It was beautiful. It was an egg bread similar to challah, and meant to be pulled apart and eaten in the same way. Unlike challah, however, this loaf was rolled rather than braided. The overall effect was similar to a bunch of cinnamon rolls laid on their sides and pressed together to cover a round platter, then baked into a single loaf. This particular loaf was at least 14" in diameter, about 4" thick, and sprinkled with sesame seeds. It rated every one of the oohs and ahhs it received. Dinner was topped off by a tray of cold meats and cheese, but by that time we were all hurting. It was a great meal.
Tomorrow involves some paperwork, a morning visit with Cici, and then a quick 6 hour or so drive back to Sofia. At least the weather should be better and the roads in pretty good shape. We'll see.
The morning visit with Cici was pretty standard fare. I got in trouble last night by giving her piggy-back rides and carrying her on my shoulders. Now, that's all she wants me to do. I spent a good deal of the morning walking around with her on my shoulders and bouncing up and down as everybody else sang songs with her. We also tried the elephant swing, which was probably also a mistake, but she loved it. At least she will have big brothers to swing her and carry her. It's wearing me out. Daren was giving me a hard time this evening about the shoulder thing. She wants him to carry her around like that all the time too, and his shoulders were getting sore.
After lunch, we went gift shopping. We ended up getting what we needed, but we walked and walked and walked. By the time we got back to the hotel, we were all pretty well spent.
The highlight of the day was dinner. Daren and Yordanka invited us to join them for dinner, and it was a wonderful experience and a great time of bonding. We are finding that in a foster situation, forming a relationship and a bond with the foster family is not only rewarding in its own right, but it is important in easing the transition of the child from the foster family to the adoptive family. From the perspective of the foster family, they are placing a child they have loved, nurtured, and invested their lives in for a significant period of time into the hands of strangers. The transition cannot be easy on them, but the better they know the adoptive family and the more they can bond with them on an emotional level, the easier that transition will be. For the adoptive parents, making the connection helps sensitize them to the emotions the foster parents are experiencing and it helps them understand when the foster parents want to remain involved in some way in the lives of the children. We have really enjoyed getting to know Daren and Yordanka, and the friendship developed while sharing a meal together in wonderful.
Speaking of wonderful, the meal tonight was outstanding. I have really enjoyed the Bulgarian cuisine, and I have eaten and enjoyed a lot of foods I don't usually eat. I think I have had more mushrooms this trip than I have had in my entire life. Yordanka laid out a first course of tomato and cucumber salad, shredded cabbage, pickled vegetables, pickled red peppers, and Bulgarian white cheese. I went back for seconds on all of it! Everything was delicious. The meat course was even better. Baba Irina (Yordanka's mother) made moussaka , a traditional Bulgarian casserole dish of mincemeat, potatoes, and tomatoes topped with a crust of eggs, yogurt, and flour. It was terrific. Yordanka also took some of the meat we had left over from lunch yesterday and dressed it up with a cream and white cheese sauce and some mushrooms. Again it was excellent. Carolyn and I are both bread lovers, and the highlight of the meal for us was when Baba Irina pulled out a traditional Bulgarian loaf of bread she had made. It was beautiful. It was an egg bread similar to challah, and meant to be pulled apart and eaten in the same way. Unlike challah, however, this loaf was rolled rather than braided. The overall effect was similar to a bunch of cinnamon rolls laid on their sides and pressed together to cover a round platter, then baked into a single loaf. This particular loaf was at least 14" in diameter, about 4" thick, and sprinkled with sesame seeds. It rated every one of the oohs and ahhs it received. Dinner was topped off by a tray of cold meats and cheese, but by that time we were all hurting. It was a great meal.
Tomorrow involves some paperwork, a morning visit with Cici, and then a quick 6 hour or so drive back to Sofia. At least the weather should be better and the roads in pretty good shape. We'll see.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
A Labor of Love
I have been overwhelmed these last two weeks by the effort and dedication of the people we have met who pour their lives into the orphans of this country to give these children a chance in life they would not otherwise have. I have also felt very blessed that both of our daughters have been touched in such a significant way by some of the biggest-hearted people I have ever met.
We have not had the opportunity to experience the conditions of a regular Bulgarian orphanage, and for that I am most thankful. Maggie has given us a pretty good picture of what they are like, and it isn't a pretty picture. The regular orphanages are typically divided into three types. The first orphanage is for children from birth through age 2 and for children with significant medical special needs. These orphanages are staffed mostly by medical personnel and are set up like a hospital more than anything else. The second type is for children ages 3-7. A child will be transferred into this home on his third birthday and out on his eighth. From here, they will go to the last type of orphanage for children ages 8-18. On their 18th birthday, they are out on their own.
Most of these places are huge. Shumen is a city roughly the size of Macon, GA. The orphanage where Cici spent her first two years is a facility about the size of the average Atlanta high school. It probably houses 500 or so children under the age of three. Children are typically placed in groups of ten, and these 10 children will share a room and a caregiver, and will do everything as a group. Even in the best conditions, these orphanages are woefully understaffed. This forces the caregivers into an assembly line type of management scheme just to be able to meet the minimum needs for life. Especially in the first two tiers of the system, children will typically spend most of their time in their beds (cribs - even for the seven year olds) for containment purposes. They will subsist mainly or exclusively on a liquid diet in a bottle or sippy cup to allow for efficient distribution and consumption with little or no mess. They also typically wear diapers just to avoid the chaos of 10 children all having to go to the bathroom at different times. Consider how much time is spent while raising a child just in helping them make the transition from a bottle to baby food to solid food, and finally to the point where they can feed themselves. Then add in the hours required for potty training, bathing, oral hygiene, and teaching them to talk, count, say their abc's and all of the other things required to raise a normal, healthy child. All these poor care givers are able to do is feed, change diapers, clean, and manage a tight regimen, and they barely have the time to accomplish that. There is no time available for individual attention, teaching, nurturing, comforting, and doing all of the other things a parent is able to do as part of daily life. The care givers by and large are good people, there just aren't enough of them. The problem then is that these children are subjected to testing using the same standards as their more fortunate peers and they can't measure up. They fail the knowledge tests simply because they haven't been taught but they may be stuck with a label of moderate to severe mental delay. This becomes part of the official record, and it scares off prospective parents who interpret the term along the lines of mental incompetence and very low IQ, when in fact the children often have excellent capacity to learn, just no opportunity. The same thing may happen with physical assessments. A six year old child who can't walk is understandably disturbing to a prospective parent, but the truth may be as simple as the fact that the child can't walk because she has never spent any time exercising outside of her crib. There is nothing wrong with the child that s couple of months of good nutrition, exercise, and opportunity can't fix. Finally, medical "problems" are often overstated so the orphanage can claim a child has special needs just because the label entitles the orphanage to receive more funding for that child than otherwise. Again, however, these inaccurate and detrimental labels get carried forward in the child's information for prospective parents and often render the child unadoptable.
To combat the growing problem, Bulgaria is starting to experiment with some alternative methods. One is the Center For Family Type Accommodation facilities like the one where Emily lives. These centers replace the second tier orphanage with a small, focused environment. They significantly decrease the facility overhead costs by downsizing to only 10 in a facility. They can then afford to increase staffing so that they can provide the individual nurturing and training required to place the children on a more even footing with their peers who are being raised in traditional homes. This allows for the removal of the negative labels and provides a much more accurate and attractive picture for prospective parents and significantly increases adoptability. I won't dwell on the Center in Lom since I have discussed it previously other than to reiterate our appreciation for the dedication and hard work the staff puts into raising those children and for the loving and nurturing environment they are able to provide.
An even better program is being piloted here in Shumen, the professional foster parent program. Professional foster parents are given specific training on the development and care of previously institutionalized children, then they are licensed and actually paid a salary to serve as a professional foster parent. In return, they take a child into their home and raise him as their own. This provides the best possible environment for helping these children develop fully and properly so as to avoid or remove negative labels. The interesting aspect of the program is that it focuses specifically on making a child adoptable and getting them placed as quickly as possible with an adoptive family. According to the law, the foster parents are not supposed to adopt their foster children; they are simply preparing them for someone else. As a note, however, there have been some cases where the foster family has become so closely attached to the child that they request to proceed with an adoption anyway. There have even been rare cases where a foster family has made this decision after an international referral has been made. In these cases, the child's needs are considered the highest priority and preference has been given to the foster family since the child would remain in an environment that has already been established and the situation would maintain the emotional bonds that have already been formed.
Daren and Yordanka have dedicated the current season of their lives to loving and nurturing foster children in preparation for being adopted by someone else. It is one of the most selfless things I have ever seen. They get a salary for their work, but it isn't much. They are certainly not in it for the money. They have worked with three children so far. Their first was Brian. They took him in as an 18 month old and raised him for a year and a half. Cici came to live with them as a two year old, and they will have cared for her about a year and a half as well by the time we get back to pick her up. They also did short term care for a newborn who needed a place to live for about a month. I didn't hear the whole story, but something about her parents house catching on fire about the time she was born, and they needed someone to keep her until they could make repairs. The Dukovs were the ninth professional foster family registered in Shumen, and Yordanka is the current chairperson for the Bulgarian National Association of Foster Parents. They are very involved in making the program a success, and they organize social events and support groups for the local foster community. They currently have about 135 families in Shumen.
There are also adoption agencies like Family National Association here in Bulgaria that are absolutely critical to making both national and international adoptions a reality. They also have some wonderful people working with them. For example, Maggie serves as a translator and family facilitator, and has been invaluable to us. She has also spent time working with battered women and children. We asked her if she could go to any other country in the world, where would she go and why. Her immediate answer was India, and the poorer and more rural the area, the better. She wants to go there to help people in need, and envisions that as a place where she could make the most difference. Her second choice was the horn of Africa for the same reasons. She has a "Mother Theresa" heart. It has been so wonderful to get to meet and work with this caliber of people in our adoption journey.
We had a very nice visit with Cici today, and she and Carolyn had some special time to connect today. One of the advantages of the foster program is the intimate knowledge of the child that the parents can pass on. So while I have gotten more play time with Cici, she has been asking questions and taking notes like crazy. Today she got a little play time at lunch, then spent some time this evening braiding her hair and then establishing herself as Cici's official back scratcher. She loves having her back scratched as much as Carolyn does.
We took everybody out for lunch today and Cici was all dressed up for the occasion. On the way to lunch we went to the photo studio and had her official visa photos made. During the evening, Yordanka served a wonderful tea with a little help from Cici. Overall, another wonderful day!
We have not had the opportunity to experience the conditions of a regular Bulgarian orphanage, and for that I am most thankful. Maggie has given us a pretty good picture of what they are like, and it isn't a pretty picture. The regular orphanages are typically divided into three types. The first orphanage is for children from birth through age 2 and for children with significant medical special needs. These orphanages are staffed mostly by medical personnel and are set up like a hospital more than anything else. The second type is for children ages 3-7. A child will be transferred into this home on his third birthday and out on his eighth. From here, they will go to the last type of orphanage for children ages 8-18. On their 18th birthday, they are out on their own.
Most of these places are huge. Shumen is a city roughly the size of Macon, GA. The orphanage where Cici spent her first two years is a facility about the size of the average Atlanta high school. It probably houses 500 or so children under the age of three. Children are typically placed in groups of ten, and these 10 children will share a room and a caregiver, and will do everything as a group. Even in the best conditions, these orphanages are woefully understaffed. This forces the caregivers into an assembly line type of management scheme just to be able to meet the minimum needs for life. Especially in the first two tiers of the system, children will typically spend most of their time in their beds (cribs - even for the seven year olds) for containment purposes. They will subsist mainly or exclusively on a liquid diet in a bottle or sippy cup to allow for efficient distribution and consumption with little or no mess. They also typically wear diapers just to avoid the chaos of 10 children all having to go to the bathroom at different times. Consider how much time is spent while raising a child just in helping them make the transition from a bottle to baby food to solid food, and finally to the point where they can feed themselves. Then add in the hours required for potty training, bathing, oral hygiene, and teaching them to talk, count, say their abc's and all of the other things required to raise a normal, healthy child. All these poor care givers are able to do is feed, change diapers, clean, and manage a tight regimen, and they barely have the time to accomplish that. There is no time available for individual attention, teaching, nurturing, comforting, and doing all of the other things a parent is able to do as part of daily life. The care givers by and large are good people, there just aren't enough of them. The problem then is that these children are subjected to testing using the same standards as their more fortunate peers and they can't measure up. They fail the knowledge tests simply because they haven't been taught but they may be stuck with a label of moderate to severe mental delay. This becomes part of the official record, and it scares off prospective parents who interpret the term along the lines of mental incompetence and very low IQ, when in fact the children often have excellent capacity to learn, just no opportunity. The same thing may happen with physical assessments. A six year old child who can't walk is understandably disturbing to a prospective parent, but the truth may be as simple as the fact that the child can't walk because she has never spent any time exercising outside of her crib. There is nothing wrong with the child that s couple of months of good nutrition, exercise, and opportunity can't fix. Finally, medical "problems" are often overstated so the orphanage can claim a child has special needs just because the label entitles the orphanage to receive more funding for that child than otherwise. Again, however, these inaccurate and detrimental labels get carried forward in the child's information for prospective parents and often render the child unadoptable.
To combat the growing problem, Bulgaria is starting to experiment with some alternative methods. One is the Center For Family Type Accommodation facilities like the one where Emily lives. These centers replace the second tier orphanage with a small, focused environment. They significantly decrease the facility overhead costs by downsizing to only 10 in a facility. They can then afford to increase staffing so that they can provide the individual nurturing and training required to place the children on a more even footing with their peers who are being raised in traditional homes. This allows for the removal of the negative labels and provides a much more accurate and attractive picture for prospective parents and significantly increases adoptability. I won't dwell on the Center in Lom since I have discussed it previously other than to reiterate our appreciation for the dedication and hard work the staff puts into raising those children and for the loving and nurturing environment they are able to provide.
An even better program is being piloted here in Shumen, the professional foster parent program. Professional foster parents are given specific training on the development and care of previously institutionalized children, then they are licensed and actually paid a salary to serve as a professional foster parent. In return, they take a child into their home and raise him as their own. This provides the best possible environment for helping these children develop fully and properly so as to avoid or remove negative labels. The interesting aspect of the program is that it focuses specifically on making a child adoptable and getting them placed as quickly as possible with an adoptive family. According to the law, the foster parents are not supposed to adopt their foster children; they are simply preparing them for someone else. As a note, however, there have been some cases where the foster family has become so closely attached to the child that they request to proceed with an adoption anyway. There have even been rare cases where a foster family has made this decision after an international referral has been made. In these cases, the child's needs are considered the highest priority and preference has been given to the foster family since the child would remain in an environment that has already been established and the situation would maintain the emotional bonds that have already been formed.
Daren and Yordanka have dedicated the current season of their lives to loving and nurturing foster children in preparation for being adopted by someone else. It is one of the most selfless things I have ever seen. They get a salary for their work, but it isn't much. They are certainly not in it for the money. They have worked with three children so far. Their first was Brian. They took him in as an 18 month old and raised him for a year and a half. Cici came to live with them as a two year old, and they will have cared for her about a year and a half as well by the time we get back to pick her up. They also did short term care for a newborn who needed a place to live for about a month. I didn't hear the whole story, but something about her parents house catching on fire about the time she was born, and they needed someone to keep her until they could make repairs. The Dukovs were the ninth professional foster family registered in Shumen, and Yordanka is the current chairperson for the Bulgarian National Association of Foster Parents. They are very involved in making the program a success, and they organize social events and support groups for the local foster community. They currently have about 135 families in Shumen.
There are also adoption agencies like Family National Association here in Bulgaria that are absolutely critical to making both national and international adoptions a reality. They also have some wonderful people working with them. For example, Maggie serves as a translator and family facilitator, and has been invaluable to us. She has also spent time working with battered women and children. We asked her if she could go to any other country in the world, where would she go and why. Her immediate answer was India, and the poorer and more rural the area, the better. She wants to go there to help people in need, and envisions that as a place where she could make the most difference. Her second choice was the horn of Africa for the same reasons. She has a "Mother Theresa" heart. It has been so wonderful to get to meet and work with this caliber of people in our adoption journey.
We had a very nice visit with Cici today, and she and Carolyn had some special time to connect today. One of the advantages of the foster program is the intimate knowledge of the child that the parents can pass on. So while I have gotten more play time with Cici, she has been asking questions and taking notes like crazy. Today she got a little play time at lunch, then spent some time this evening braiding her hair and then establishing herself as Cici's official back scratcher. She loves having her back scratched as much as Carolyn does.
We took everybody out for lunch today and Cici was all dressed up for the occasion. On the way to lunch we went to the photo studio and had her official visa photos made. During the evening, Yordanka served a wonderful tea with a little help from Cici. Overall, another wonderful day!
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Tickle Tickle Tickle
Another great day of visiting with Cici. She was very excited to see us and greeted us with big hugs and kisses. Her foster parents once again hosted us for both sessions today, and their hospitality has been wonderful. We started out the visit this morning by pulling out crayons and construction paper and doing a little bit of drawing. Carolyn cut out a few snowflakes, and her foster mom, Yordanka, cut out some doll chains. Cici was appropriately amazed with them, but it proved to be a connection point between the two adults as much as it did with Cici. I spent a lot of the morning playing tickle games with her. We have made up several different ones, and they have rapidly progresses in intensity and in the trust she has to have in me. By the time we left for lunch, the game had progressed to where she was standing on my lap, holding my thumbs (while I gripped her wrists) and falling straight back, counting on me to stop her before she hit the ground. When we had to leave for lunch, I had to just hold her and stand up to get the game started. Everybody was in the process of saying goodbye, and since she was in my arms, she started waving to her foster parents and saying ciao. She was ready to go! I finally got her handed off to her foster father, Daren, but I think she'd have gone with me at that point if I'd tried.
Partly because of where I end up sitting during the visits, and partly because I apparently make a good play toy, it seems like I end up entertaining Cici while the adults talk about her. Yordanka had expressed a wish as we were leaving last night to have us show her today where we lived and to learn something about our home environment. We decided that taking the photo album we had prepared and going through it with them would be a good way to facilitate that conversation. So, while Cici and I played, Carolyn and Maggie explained to the rest of the group what Cici's life will be like when she comes to live with us. They explained the concept of home schooling and the wonderful opportunity it provides for a first class education. They talked about living arrangements, interaction with immediate and extended family, and a host of other things I missed out on because I was busy playing. But, Cici and I both preferred it that way. Our goal was to demonstrate to both the foster parents and the social worker, without appearing in any way boastful, that Cici will enjoy all of the opportunities and advantages we can possibly provide in raising her. The goal of the foster care system here is to nurture the children in an environment that helps make them more adoptable and thus opens up doors of opportunity these children might not otherwise have access to. They have poured their hearts into this child for the past year, and we wanted them to understand how their efforts will pay off in Cici's life. They were very excited, and they kept returning to the book over and over again. Cici was very interested in it as well, and would sit and look through it for as long as a 3-year-old's attention span would allow before starting up a new game.
In return, Daren and Yordanka provided a wealth of detail on Cici's background, her life both in the orphanage and in their home, her daily routines and sleep patterns, and a whole host of other information. She pulled out her computer and showed us pictures of Cici over the past year. It was wonderful to see the transformation story told in those pictures. You could read the story in Cici's eyes as you moved chronologically through the pictures. They have done a wonderful work in that child's life, and we will be forever grateful.
During our lunch break, we worked on filling in the few holes still left that we would need to tell Cici her life story some day. Yordanka has an excellent collection of photos and documents of the last year and has offered to share them with us, but we needed something to cover the first two years. So, we hopped in the car and drove first across town to the orphanage where Cici spent her first two years and then drove about 25 minutes out of town to Novi Pazar, the town where Cici was born, to take some pictures. We were even able to find the hospital on Novi Pazar, so we can someday show Cici where she was born. Emily was actually born between here and Sofia, rather than in Lom, in an area that is famous for its vineyards. We plan to stop by there on our next trip when we pick the girls up, since the mountain roads will be easy to navigate and the grapes will be approaching harvest when we are here in the summer.
Our afternoon visit with Cici was very much like the morning one. Carolyn brought along some of the beads we had and made a pair of bracelets for Cici. She loved them and wore them the rest of the day. Yordanka started up some of Cici's favorite songs on her computer, and she danced for quite a while. At one point she organized a group dance with Carolyn, Yordanka, and me, and then she and Carolyn danced a bit later on. She closed out the evening with more tickling and tumbling with me. She got started bouncing up and down on my knees and outlasted my stamina by a long way. She is very energetic and delightfully playful. She is going to absolutely love having big brothers to play with!
Partly because of where I end up sitting during the visits, and partly because I apparently make a good play toy, it seems like I end up entertaining Cici while the adults talk about her. Yordanka had expressed a wish as we were leaving last night to have us show her today where we lived and to learn something about our home environment. We decided that taking the photo album we had prepared and going through it with them would be a good way to facilitate that conversation. So, while Cici and I played, Carolyn and Maggie explained to the rest of the group what Cici's life will be like when she comes to live with us. They explained the concept of home schooling and the wonderful opportunity it provides for a first class education. They talked about living arrangements, interaction with immediate and extended family, and a host of other things I missed out on because I was busy playing. But, Cici and I both preferred it that way. Our goal was to demonstrate to both the foster parents and the social worker, without appearing in any way boastful, that Cici will enjoy all of the opportunities and advantages we can possibly provide in raising her. The goal of the foster care system here is to nurture the children in an environment that helps make them more adoptable and thus opens up doors of opportunity these children might not otherwise have access to. They have poured their hearts into this child for the past year, and we wanted them to understand how their efforts will pay off in Cici's life. They were very excited, and they kept returning to the book over and over again. Cici was very interested in it as well, and would sit and look through it for as long as a 3-year-old's attention span would allow before starting up a new game.
In return, Daren and Yordanka provided a wealth of detail on Cici's background, her life both in the orphanage and in their home, her daily routines and sleep patterns, and a whole host of other information. She pulled out her computer and showed us pictures of Cici over the past year. It was wonderful to see the transformation story told in those pictures. You could read the story in Cici's eyes as you moved chronologically through the pictures. They have done a wonderful work in that child's life, and we will be forever grateful.
During our lunch break, we worked on filling in the few holes still left that we would need to tell Cici her life story some day. Yordanka has an excellent collection of photos and documents of the last year and has offered to share them with us, but we needed something to cover the first two years. So, we hopped in the car and drove first across town to the orphanage where Cici spent her first two years and then drove about 25 minutes out of town to Novi Pazar, the town where Cici was born, to take some pictures. We were even able to find the hospital on Novi Pazar, so we can someday show Cici where she was born. Emily was actually born between here and Sofia, rather than in Lom, in an area that is famous for its vineyards. We plan to stop by there on our next trip when we pick the girls up, since the mountain roads will be easy to navigate and the grapes will be approaching harvest when we are here in the summer.
Our afternoon visit with Cici was very much like the morning one. Carolyn brought along some of the beads we had and made a pair of bracelets for Cici. She loved them and wore them the rest of the day. Yordanka started up some of Cici's favorite songs on her computer, and she danced for quite a while. At one point she organized a group dance with Carolyn, Yordanka, and me, and then she and Carolyn danced a bit later on. She closed out the evening with more tickling and tumbling with me. She got started bouncing up and down on my knees and outlasted my stamina by a long way. She is very energetic and delightfully playful. She is going to absolutely love having big brothers to play with!
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