Well, it's official. We signed the final acceptance document this morning for the Bulgarian Ministry of Justice stating that we have met with both girls and we are willing to accept the referrals and complete the adoption process. The new names are Emily Catherine Osborne and Madelyn Dell Osborne. The Dell is both her mother's and her great grandmother's middle name. We are so excited to be able to pass that heritage forward another generation! The next steps on the Bulgarian side are for the Minister of Justice to give final approval and for the adoptions to go to court. Once the court decree is issued, they will get new birth certificates and eventually new passports and be ready to go. On our side, we have to work through the rest of the immigration approval process to get their travel visas. We had to get the documents notarized, which was an interesting experience. Bulgarian notaries are more like contract lawyers than US notaries. They not only witness signatures, but they completely review, and frequently prepare, the documents they notarize to ensure they are in accordance with appropriate laws. The notary we saw had two assistants out front and a very nice private office.
After the notary, we had our last visit with Madelyn (Cici). It was a very nice final visit, and we were able to present both the Dukov family and the social worker with thank you gifts. Both were genuinely touched. We said our final goodbyes and headed for the car.
Lesson 1 for driving in a foreign country: when you have a native translator with you who is reasonably familiar with the road system, listen to her instead of Google! Google maps gave a couple of options for getting back to Sofia. There was a 100 km difference in the routes, but only about 8 minutes of estimated driving distance because the longer route had significantly longer spans of limited access freeway with 130 kph speed limits and no towns, as opposed to the shorter way which was mostly two-lane highway with 90 kph speed limit and lots of reduced speed zones through towns (and therefore lots of speed traps). I find the rural highway driving exhausting, especially given the higher probability of a speeding ticket in a foreign country - not an experience I care to have - so I wanted to take the longer way and drive on the freeway. Maggie suggested the other way - a straight shot from Shumen to Sofia. We went the long way. The first part of the route involved heading south through the mountains to hit the freeway and head west. It looked like a good route on the gps as well. Only one problem. About an hour out of Shumen, the road shrinks down to a small country road as it passes through the final mountain ridge. And, oh by the way, it has snowed a lot here over the last few weeks, and the road was too small for the road crews to bother with, so they closed it. We had to turn around and drive almost all the way back to Shumen to pick up Maggie's route. It cost us at least 2 hours. That meant we didn't get to Sofia until after dark, and navigating over here at night is an adventure in itself. Should have listened to Maggie!
At any rate, we got to the hotel, got checked in, and then saw Maggie off in a taxi. We will miss her! We're working on final packing and getting ready to go. We have an early flight out of Sofia, so we will be out of the hotel around 5 in the morning. If everything goes as scheduled, we will be in Atlanta around 8:30 tomorrow evening.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Dinner at 7
Short post tonight as we are getting loose ends tied up and getting packed for the drive back to Sofia tomorrow. It has been a wonderful two weeks, but very emotionally and physically exhausting. We are really looking forward to getting back home!
The morning visit with Cici was pretty standard fare. I got in trouble last night by giving her piggy-back rides and carrying her on my shoulders. Now, that's all she wants me to do. I spent a good deal of the morning walking around with her on my shoulders and bouncing up and down as everybody else sang songs with her. We also tried the elephant swing, which was probably also a mistake, but she loved it. At least she will have big brothers to swing her and carry her. It's wearing me out. Daren was giving me a hard time this evening about the shoulder thing. She wants him to carry her around like that all the time too, and his shoulders were getting sore.
After lunch, we went gift shopping. We ended up getting what we needed, but we walked and walked and walked. By the time we got back to the hotel, we were all pretty well spent.
The highlight of the day was dinner. Daren and Yordanka invited us to join them for dinner, and it was a wonderful experience and a great time of bonding. We are finding that in a foster situation, forming a relationship and a bond with the foster family is not only rewarding in its own right, but it is important in easing the transition of the child from the foster family to the adoptive family. From the perspective of the foster family, they are placing a child they have loved, nurtured, and invested their lives in for a significant period of time into the hands of strangers. The transition cannot be easy on them, but the better they know the adoptive family and the more they can bond with them on an emotional level, the easier that transition will be. For the adoptive parents, making the connection helps sensitize them to the emotions the foster parents are experiencing and it helps them understand when the foster parents want to remain involved in some way in the lives of the children. We have really enjoyed getting to know Daren and Yordanka, and the friendship developed while sharing a meal together in wonderful.
Speaking of wonderful, the meal tonight was outstanding. I have really enjoyed the Bulgarian cuisine, and I have eaten and enjoyed a lot of foods I don't usually eat. I think I have had more mushrooms this trip than I have had in my entire life. Yordanka laid out a first course of tomato and cucumber salad, shredded cabbage, pickled vegetables, pickled red peppers, and Bulgarian white cheese. I went back for seconds on all of it! Everything was delicious. The meat course was even better. Baba Irina (Yordanka's mother) made moussaka , a traditional Bulgarian casserole dish of mincemeat, potatoes, and tomatoes topped with a crust of eggs, yogurt, and flour. It was terrific. Yordanka also took some of the meat we had left over from lunch yesterday and dressed it up with a cream and white cheese sauce and some mushrooms. Again it was excellent. Carolyn and I are both bread lovers, and the highlight of the meal for us was when Baba Irina pulled out a traditional Bulgarian loaf of bread she had made. It was beautiful. It was an egg bread similar to challah, and meant to be pulled apart and eaten in the same way. Unlike challah, however, this loaf was rolled rather than braided. The overall effect was similar to a bunch of cinnamon rolls laid on their sides and pressed together to cover a round platter, then baked into a single loaf. This particular loaf was at least 14" in diameter, about 4" thick, and sprinkled with sesame seeds. It rated every one of the oohs and ahhs it received. Dinner was topped off by a tray of cold meats and cheese, but by that time we were all hurting. It was a great meal.
Tomorrow involves some paperwork, a morning visit with Cici, and then a quick 6 hour or so drive back to Sofia. At least the weather should be better and the roads in pretty good shape. We'll see.
The morning visit with Cici was pretty standard fare. I got in trouble last night by giving her piggy-back rides and carrying her on my shoulders. Now, that's all she wants me to do. I spent a good deal of the morning walking around with her on my shoulders and bouncing up and down as everybody else sang songs with her. We also tried the elephant swing, which was probably also a mistake, but she loved it. At least she will have big brothers to swing her and carry her. It's wearing me out. Daren was giving me a hard time this evening about the shoulder thing. She wants him to carry her around like that all the time too, and his shoulders were getting sore.
After lunch, we went gift shopping. We ended up getting what we needed, but we walked and walked and walked. By the time we got back to the hotel, we were all pretty well spent.
The highlight of the day was dinner. Daren and Yordanka invited us to join them for dinner, and it was a wonderful experience and a great time of bonding. We are finding that in a foster situation, forming a relationship and a bond with the foster family is not only rewarding in its own right, but it is important in easing the transition of the child from the foster family to the adoptive family. From the perspective of the foster family, they are placing a child they have loved, nurtured, and invested their lives in for a significant period of time into the hands of strangers. The transition cannot be easy on them, but the better they know the adoptive family and the more they can bond with them on an emotional level, the easier that transition will be. For the adoptive parents, making the connection helps sensitize them to the emotions the foster parents are experiencing and it helps them understand when the foster parents want to remain involved in some way in the lives of the children. We have really enjoyed getting to know Daren and Yordanka, and the friendship developed while sharing a meal together in wonderful.
Speaking of wonderful, the meal tonight was outstanding. I have really enjoyed the Bulgarian cuisine, and I have eaten and enjoyed a lot of foods I don't usually eat. I think I have had more mushrooms this trip than I have had in my entire life. Yordanka laid out a first course of tomato and cucumber salad, shredded cabbage, pickled vegetables, pickled red peppers, and Bulgarian white cheese. I went back for seconds on all of it! Everything was delicious. The meat course was even better. Baba Irina (Yordanka's mother) made moussaka , a traditional Bulgarian casserole dish of mincemeat, potatoes, and tomatoes topped with a crust of eggs, yogurt, and flour. It was terrific. Yordanka also took some of the meat we had left over from lunch yesterday and dressed it up with a cream and white cheese sauce and some mushrooms. Again it was excellent. Carolyn and I are both bread lovers, and the highlight of the meal for us was when Baba Irina pulled out a traditional Bulgarian loaf of bread she had made. It was beautiful. It was an egg bread similar to challah, and meant to be pulled apart and eaten in the same way. Unlike challah, however, this loaf was rolled rather than braided. The overall effect was similar to a bunch of cinnamon rolls laid on their sides and pressed together to cover a round platter, then baked into a single loaf. This particular loaf was at least 14" in diameter, about 4" thick, and sprinkled with sesame seeds. It rated every one of the oohs and ahhs it received. Dinner was topped off by a tray of cold meats and cheese, but by that time we were all hurting. It was a great meal.
Tomorrow involves some paperwork, a morning visit with Cici, and then a quick 6 hour or so drive back to Sofia. At least the weather should be better and the roads in pretty good shape. We'll see.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
A Labor of Love
I have been overwhelmed these last two weeks by the effort and dedication of the people we have met who pour their lives into the orphans of this country to give these children a chance in life they would not otherwise have. I have also felt very blessed that both of our daughters have been touched in such a significant way by some of the biggest-hearted people I have ever met.
We have not had the opportunity to experience the conditions of a regular Bulgarian orphanage, and for that I am most thankful. Maggie has given us a pretty good picture of what they are like, and it isn't a pretty picture. The regular orphanages are typically divided into three types. The first orphanage is for children from birth through age 2 and for children with significant medical special needs. These orphanages are staffed mostly by medical personnel and are set up like a hospital more than anything else. The second type is for children ages 3-7. A child will be transferred into this home on his third birthday and out on his eighth. From here, they will go to the last type of orphanage for children ages 8-18. On their 18th birthday, they are out on their own.
Most of these places are huge. Shumen is a city roughly the size of Macon, GA. The orphanage where Cici spent her first two years is a facility about the size of the average Atlanta high school. It probably houses 500 or so children under the age of three. Children are typically placed in groups of ten, and these 10 children will share a room and a caregiver, and will do everything as a group. Even in the best conditions, these orphanages are woefully understaffed. This forces the caregivers into an assembly line type of management scheme just to be able to meet the minimum needs for life. Especially in the first two tiers of the system, children will typically spend most of their time in their beds (cribs - even for the seven year olds) for containment purposes. They will subsist mainly or exclusively on a liquid diet in a bottle or sippy cup to allow for efficient distribution and consumption with little or no mess. They also typically wear diapers just to avoid the chaos of 10 children all having to go to the bathroom at different times. Consider how much time is spent while raising a child just in helping them make the transition from a bottle to baby food to solid food, and finally to the point where they can feed themselves. Then add in the hours required for potty training, bathing, oral hygiene, and teaching them to talk, count, say their abc's and all of the other things required to raise a normal, healthy child. All these poor care givers are able to do is feed, change diapers, clean, and manage a tight regimen, and they barely have the time to accomplish that. There is no time available for individual attention, teaching, nurturing, comforting, and doing all of the other things a parent is able to do as part of daily life. The care givers by and large are good people, there just aren't enough of them. The problem then is that these children are subjected to testing using the same standards as their more fortunate peers and they can't measure up. They fail the knowledge tests simply because they haven't been taught but they may be stuck with a label of moderate to severe mental delay. This becomes part of the official record, and it scares off prospective parents who interpret the term along the lines of mental incompetence and very low IQ, when in fact the children often have excellent capacity to learn, just no opportunity. The same thing may happen with physical assessments. A six year old child who can't walk is understandably disturbing to a prospective parent, but the truth may be as simple as the fact that the child can't walk because she has never spent any time exercising outside of her crib. There is nothing wrong with the child that s couple of months of good nutrition, exercise, and opportunity can't fix. Finally, medical "problems" are often overstated so the orphanage can claim a child has special needs just because the label entitles the orphanage to receive more funding for that child than otherwise. Again, however, these inaccurate and detrimental labels get carried forward in the child's information for prospective parents and often render the child unadoptable.
To combat the growing problem, Bulgaria is starting to experiment with some alternative methods. One is the Center For Family Type Accommodation facilities like the one where Emily lives. These centers replace the second tier orphanage with a small, focused environment. They significantly decrease the facility overhead costs by downsizing to only 10 in a facility. They can then afford to increase staffing so that they can provide the individual nurturing and training required to place the children on a more even footing with their peers who are being raised in traditional homes. This allows for the removal of the negative labels and provides a much more accurate and attractive picture for prospective parents and significantly increases adoptability. I won't dwell on the Center in Lom since I have discussed it previously other than to reiterate our appreciation for the dedication and hard work the staff puts into raising those children and for the loving and nurturing environment they are able to provide.
An even better program is being piloted here in Shumen, the professional foster parent program. Professional foster parents are given specific training on the development and care of previously institutionalized children, then they are licensed and actually paid a salary to serve as a professional foster parent. In return, they take a child into their home and raise him as their own. This provides the best possible environment for helping these children develop fully and properly so as to avoid or remove negative labels. The interesting aspect of the program is that it focuses specifically on making a child adoptable and getting them placed as quickly as possible with an adoptive family. According to the law, the foster parents are not supposed to adopt their foster children; they are simply preparing them for someone else. As a note, however, there have been some cases where the foster family has become so closely attached to the child that they request to proceed with an adoption anyway. There have even been rare cases where a foster family has made this decision after an international referral has been made. In these cases, the child's needs are considered the highest priority and preference has been given to the foster family since the child would remain in an environment that has already been established and the situation would maintain the emotional bonds that have already been formed.
Daren and Yordanka have dedicated the current season of their lives to loving and nurturing foster children in preparation for being adopted by someone else. It is one of the most selfless things I have ever seen. They get a salary for their work, but it isn't much. They are certainly not in it for the money. They have worked with three children so far. Their first was Brian. They took him in as an 18 month old and raised him for a year and a half. Cici came to live with them as a two year old, and they will have cared for her about a year and a half as well by the time we get back to pick her up. They also did short term care for a newborn who needed a place to live for about a month. I didn't hear the whole story, but something about her parents house catching on fire about the time she was born, and they needed someone to keep her until they could make repairs. The Dukovs were the ninth professional foster family registered in Shumen, and Yordanka is the current chairperson for the Bulgarian National Association of Foster Parents. They are very involved in making the program a success, and they organize social events and support groups for the local foster community. They currently have about 135 families in Shumen.
There are also adoption agencies like Family National Association here in Bulgaria that are absolutely critical to making both national and international adoptions a reality. They also have some wonderful people working with them. For example, Maggie serves as a translator and family facilitator, and has been invaluable to us. She has also spent time working with battered women and children. We asked her if she could go to any other country in the world, where would she go and why. Her immediate answer was India, and the poorer and more rural the area, the better. She wants to go there to help people in need, and envisions that as a place where she could make the most difference. Her second choice was the horn of Africa for the same reasons. She has a "Mother Theresa" heart. It has been so wonderful to get to meet and work with this caliber of people in our adoption journey.
We had a very nice visit with Cici today, and she and Carolyn had some special time to connect today. One of the advantages of the foster program is the intimate knowledge of the child that the parents can pass on. So while I have gotten more play time with Cici, she has been asking questions and taking notes like crazy. Today she got a little play time at lunch, then spent some time this evening braiding her hair and then establishing herself as Cici's official back scratcher. She loves having her back scratched as much as Carolyn does.
We took everybody out for lunch today and Cici was all dressed up for the occasion. On the way to lunch we went to the photo studio and had her official visa photos made. During the evening, Yordanka served a wonderful tea with a little help from Cici. Overall, another wonderful day!
We have not had the opportunity to experience the conditions of a regular Bulgarian orphanage, and for that I am most thankful. Maggie has given us a pretty good picture of what they are like, and it isn't a pretty picture. The regular orphanages are typically divided into three types. The first orphanage is for children from birth through age 2 and for children with significant medical special needs. These orphanages are staffed mostly by medical personnel and are set up like a hospital more than anything else. The second type is for children ages 3-7. A child will be transferred into this home on his third birthday and out on his eighth. From here, they will go to the last type of orphanage for children ages 8-18. On their 18th birthday, they are out on their own.
Most of these places are huge. Shumen is a city roughly the size of Macon, GA. The orphanage where Cici spent her first two years is a facility about the size of the average Atlanta high school. It probably houses 500 or so children under the age of three. Children are typically placed in groups of ten, and these 10 children will share a room and a caregiver, and will do everything as a group. Even in the best conditions, these orphanages are woefully understaffed. This forces the caregivers into an assembly line type of management scheme just to be able to meet the minimum needs for life. Especially in the first two tiers of the system, children will typically spend most of their time in their beds (cribs - even for the seven year olds) for containment purposes. They will subsist mainly or exclusively on a liquid diet in a bottle or sippy cup to allow for efficient distribution and consumption with little or no mess. They also typically wear diapers just to avoid the chaos of 10 children all having to go to the bathroom at different times. Consider how much time is spent while raising a child just in helping them make the transition from a bottle to baby food to solid food, and finally to the point where they can feed themselves. Then add in the hours required for potty training, bathing, oral hygiene, and teaching them to talk, count, say their abc's and all of the other things required to raise a normal, healthy child. All these poor care givers are able to do is feed, change diapers, clean, and manage a tight regimen, and they barely have the time to accomplish that. There is no time available for individual attention, teaching, nurturing, comforting, and doing all of the other things a parent is able to do as part of daily life. The care givers by and large are good people, there just aren't enough of them. The problem then is that these children are subjected to testing using the same standards as their more fortunate peers and they can't measure up. They fail the knowledge tests simply because they haven't been taught but they may be stuck with a label of moderate to severe mental delay. This becomes part of the official record, and it scares off prospective parents who interpret the term along the lines of mental incompetence and very low IQ, when in fact the children often have excellent capacity to learn, just no opportunity. The same thing may happen with physical assessments. A six year old child who can't walk is understandably disturbing to a prospective parent, but the truth may be as simple as the fact that the child can't walk because she has never spent any time exercising outside of her crib. There is nothing wrong with the child that s couple of months of good nutrition, exercise, and opportunity can't fix. Finally, medical "problems" are often overstated so the orphanage can claim a child has special needs just because the label entitles the orphanage to receive more funding for that child than otherwise. Again, however, these inaccurate and detrimental labels get carried forward in the child's information for prospective parents and often render the child unadoptable.
To combat the growing problem, Bulgaria is starting to experiment with some alternative methods. One is the Center For Family Type Accommodation facilities like the one where Emily lives. These centers replace the second tier orphanage with a small, focused environment. They significantly decrease the facility overhead costs by downsizing to only 10 in a facility. They can then afford to increase staffing so that they can provide the individual nurturing and training required to place the children on a more even footing with their peers who are being raised in traditional homes. This allows for the removal of the negative labels and provides a much more accurate and attractive picture for prospective parents and significantly increases adoptability. I won't dwell on the Center in Lom since I have discussed it previously other than to reiterate our appreciation for the dedication and hard work the staff puts into raising those children and for the loving and nurturing environment they are able to provide.
An even better program is being piloted here in Shumen, the professional foster parent program. Professional foster parents are given specific training on the development and care of previously institutionalized children, then they are licensed and actually paid a salary to serve as a professional foster parent. In return, they take a child into their home and raise him as their own. This provides the best possible environment for helping these children develop fully and properly so as to avoid or remove negative labels. The interesting aspect of the program is that it focuses specifically on making a child adoptable and getting them placed as quickly as possible with an adoptive family. According to the law, the foster parents are not supposed to adopt their foster children; they are simply preparing them for someone else. As a note, however, there have been some cases where the foster family has become so closely attached to the child that they request to proceed with an adoption anyway. There have even been rare cases where a foster family has made this decision after an international referral has been made. In these cases, the child's needs are considered the highest priority and preference has been given to the foster family since the child would remain in an environment that has already been established and the situation would maintain the emotional bonds that have already been formed.
Daren and Yordanka have dedicated the current season of their lives to loving and nurturing foster children in preparation for being adopted by someone else. It is one of the most selfless things I have ever seen. They get a salary for their work, but it isn't much. They are certainly not in it for the money. They have worked with three children so far. Their first was Brian. They took him in as an 18 month old and raised him for a year and a half. Cici came to live with them as a two year old, and they will have cared for her about a year and a half as well by the time we get back to pick her up. They also did short term care for a newborn who needed a place to live for about a month. I didn't hear the whole story, but something about her parents house catching on fire about the time she was born, and they needed someone to keep her until they could make repairs. The Dukovs were the ninth professional foster family registered in Shumen, and Yordanka is the current chairperson for the Bulgarian National Association of Foster Parents. They are very involved in making the program a success, and they organize social events and support groups for the local foster community. They currently have about 135 families in Shumen.
There are also adoption agencies like Family National Association here in Bulgaria that are absolutely critical to making both national and international adoptions a reality. They also have some wonderful people working with them. For example, Maggie serves as a translator and family facilitator, and has been invaluable to us. She has also spent time working with battered women and children. We asked her if she could go to any other country in the world, where would she go and why. Her immediate answer was India, and the poorer and more rural the area, the better. She wants to go there to help people in need, and envisions that as a place where she could make the most difference. Her second choice was the horn of Africa for the same reasons. She has a "Mother Theresa" heart. It has been so wonderful to get to meet and work with this caliber of people in our adoption journey.
We had a very nice visit with Cici today, and she and Carolyn had some special time to connect today. One of the advantages of the foster program is the intimate knowledge of the child that the parents can pass on. So while I have gotten more play time with Cici, she has been asking questions and taking notes like crazy. Today she got a little play time at lunch, then spent some time this evening braiding her hair and then establishing herself as Cici's official back scratcher. She loves having her back scratched as much as Carolyn does.
We took everybody out for lunch today and Cici was all dressed up for the occasion. On the way to lunch we went to the photo studio and had her official visa photos made. During the evening, Yordanka served a wonderful tea with a little help from Cici. Overall, another wonderful day!
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